Being a new parent is difficult and it certainly does not come with an instruction manual or a license! A lot of us bring this tiny bundle home and have no idea what to do with it! Sometimes our instincts kick in and we figure it out in our own time. Sometimes those instincts take longer and we do the best we can with the information given or not always given! Some information is given to us from our parents (all with the best intentions) or from friends that have been there, done it and worn the t-shirt. Some advice they give is unwarranted. Maybe it doesn’t work for you, so you listen and do what you think is best anyway for your family! You might be lucky and have a postpartum doula in Orlando such as myself to help you.
The purpose of this blog today if you are reading it (and I am sure if you clicked on it, it is because you are curious about the topic or you are tired like you have never been before in your life and just long for the day that your baby sleeps through the night!)
I will write a blog in the future on how to sleep train your baby if by the age of 9 months they are not sleeping through the night and still expecting the circus to come visit them at night to entertain them! I am a big believer in letting baby cry it (but there is a way that you can do this gently) when the baby is 9 months old and not before that age. Prior to 9 months they are still figuring it all out. Heck some people in their 40’s are still figuring it all out! Or if you are desperate to know how to sleep train baby and I haven’t got round to writing the blog. You can always contact me here! Some adults have even told me that this routine has helped THEM unwind after a busy day, regardless of whether they have a baby or not! We are always learning.
So….Mom, Dad or whoever is taking care of the baby, enjoy this new journey in your life and I hope it works as well for you as it did for my two children and previous clients of mine …
I will use ‘her’ as I talk about baby.
- When you are feeding your baby through the day, make eye contact with her, sing to the baby or just talk to her as you feed. Talk in a loving voice as you connect and bond with her. Just like going for lunch with a friend, you will sit, chat and enjoy your time together, maybe you and your friend will be sitting outside in the sun or looking out a window at the day to day hustle of life connecting in a positive way together. Day time is about observing, learning and capturing the beauty in everything around us. This runs true with your relationship with your baby. Chat with her about beautiful she is. Even if our babies don’t understand the words that we use they certainly understand the energy behind them! We learn a lot from people’s energy. Just like walking into a room, you can pick up on a bad vibe or a bad feeling from somebody. They pick up on this too. Why wouldn’t they, they are a living creature just like we are.
- Most adults if they take a bath when they are tired, usually take a bath at the end of the day. Maybe you light some candles and keep it romantic or have music playing. You get the scene. The scene is one of serenity, unwinding, closing out the day … A warm bath in a dimly lit room is soothing to the soul. When this becomes a regular routine for your baby every night, subconsciously the baby will know the day is starting to unwind. So during and following her bath time, keep all noise to a minimum and adjust the lighting accordingly. Some babies dislike their first few bath times that they have. A suggestion if this is a dramatic time for her, wrap her in a small warm snug towel and gently lower her into the water wrapped in the towel. Slowly start to bathe her without the towel around her until she gets more comfortable with it. Wrap her up in a nice soft warm towel and gently pat her dry. Keep her cozy and feeling protected. Make sure the room is warm with no cold drafts. Some Moms if they get the time, do a very gentle massage of the baby’s body as they apply lotion after she is dry. This helps soothe the baby also and because it is therapeutic in nature, soothes Mom too! Think “spa” when you think of her night time bath time. Create as much of a spa experience as you can at this time, especially if she is a fussy baby that dislikes her bath time. If you are using essential oils for calming such as lavender or chamomile…remember LESS is better. Too much essential oil can have a stimulating effect instead of a calming effect! Whoever sells the oils to you, make sure they know what they are doing and have a thorough understanding of the benefits or the side effects. Less is better. I cannot stress this enough! I also don’t think essential oils should be used every day on a baby…..but this is just my opinion.
- When you have taken a nice warm bath to help you unwind after a hard day, would you normally go into your living room with loud music playing or a with a TV blasting out to awaken your senses? Probably not. Your evening would probably consist of a serene environment. Think glass of wine waiting for you, a nice easy novel to read, and a candle flickering. So with the room all serene, dress baby into her clean pajamas and use gentle quiet voices as you talk to her. Talking to her without too much chatter as too much chatter can be too stimulating. If you as an adult are trying to unwind and somebody is constantly chattering to you making small talk, it can make you irritated. Babies get irritated too!
- Feed the baby her last feed of the night in this same environment. No noise. No TV but in a room that is just the two of you. Avoid making too much eye contact at this time and keep the room pretty dark. Maybe a little light tucked in the corner to give a gentle glow with a soft bulb. Or a night light will work perfectly! Don’t talk to her as you feed her, no matter how vocal she is being. Allow her to fall asleep in your arms if that works for you and gently place her in the crib. Not all babies will continue to stay asleep as you do this, some might wake up the minute you put them down. But keep doing the same routine each time, by comforting them in the dark in this room. Maybe bend over the crib and soothe her little head until she falls asleep.
- When baby wakes in the night for a feed, continue the same routine of feeding her in the dark. Remember it is night time! Night time feeds need to be in a dark room, quiet and with no voices. Little eye contact should be made so they get the clues early on, that this isn’t time for the circus to entertain them! The sooner you get baby into this routine the quicker they will start learning the difference between night and day.
Being a parent is all about discipline.
Discipline should start from day one. Discipline if you look in the dictionary means “To teach”. You are teaching her the difference between night and day, not punishing her! There is a big difference. They are here to learn from us and for your sanity it is advisable to try to encourage them from day one to start learning how to fall asleep by herself. Sleep deprivation was used in prisoner of war camps … it is debilitating for anybody to focus with very, very little sleep. So if sleep is important to you, start the process as soon as she comes home. It may take her 4 months to start sleeping through the night, but that is OK as you as her parent can give yourself a pat on the back that you taught her this invaluable lesson early on in her life!
I did this method with both of my babies. My first took a bit longer to get it! To this day he still prefers night time to day time…but at least he started sleeping through at 4 months. My daughter got it much quicker and slept from 9 pm until 6 am when she was just 10 weeks old.
Of course there will be the odd night that they are sick, have a bad dream and cry out for you. This is OK, but remember to keep the same night time routine of feeding or soothing them in the dark with quiet voices. When they know the cabaret isn’t coming to entertain, they will give up eventually of crying out just because they are bored!
I will also be writing a blog in the near future on how to integrate the older sibling into their new role as big brother or sister! Keep checking in for that ….. or if you are desperate right now to know how to make your toddler happy with baby being home…contact me TODAY!
Leave A Comment