Loneliness is among the most common distresses and for a condition that is growing at a fast pace within our society it is still not given a great deal of professional attention. Let’s face it, how many people would choose to join a new social group and outwardly express that the reason they are joining is because they are lonely. Admittedly women are more likely to express this to a group of others, but very rarely will a man express to another that “I feel lonely”. Most men have experienced bouts of loneliness within the last few weeks.
According to much research, women across all ages stress that they suffer from higher levels of loneliness than what men do. Except, that is, in one particular group: single people. While most married women feel lonelier than married men, single men feel lonelier than single women.
Is this because women are more likely to express their loneliness than what men do, because it is just not deemed manly in some societies to admit to it? I think so. What do you think?
Some men when they call me just for a chat, tell me that they feel the loneliest at work because it seems that “Everybody has somebody, but me”. They feel that they can’t show it because if anyone sees them looking lonely or expressing how lonely they feel, that others will see them as desperate. So some men put on the bravado face and give a play by play account of how fantastic their weekend was and how many girls/boys they picked up. They do this so as to appear to others as if they have it all and that their lives are abundant with anything but the “I feel lonely” syndrome.
It is great that some men can go out and pick up the same sex or the opposite sex, but inconsistency over time and having irregularity in their lives, such as that one partner that brings familiarity on a daily basis, can over time cause men to feel more lonely than what women do during their single years. This isn’t to say that some married men don’t get lonely, as I also hear a lot from married men that they do feel lonely (even though they don’t say in so many words “I feel lonely”).
Men can feel lonely when married, especially the months following the birth of a child. Some men, feel left out and seek attention, feeling that the baby is getting all their partners undivided love. They might pick up the phone to call me on their way home from work, so they don’t take their work worries from the office into the home with them. They might not feel they will be met with an enthusiastic face once they walk in the door, so are reluctant to share their day, but instead feel like walking right back out that door again!
I am sure some women feel the same with their husbands in regards to their significant others careers. Relationships take work, but this blog is about men and you can read other blogs on loneliness if you are a female and feel you need to talk to someone.
I feel lonely ..
A client I used to talk with always got so excited when he shared with me, offers of promotion or headhunters that had contacted him through LinkedIn. He couldn’t contain his excitement as I used to listen to the “pro’s and cons” of each alternative. I never directly helped him with his decision or swayed him either way, but by having me be enthusiastic for the options that were in front of him and to follow up with him on the journey, enabled him to make a decision that was right, for both himself and his family. He wanted to share the initial start of the journey with his wife, but knew that his wife would become fearful of change and would not be as enthusiastic as what he was. Over time he did grow with the company, then became a founder of his own company. His wife stood by his side and enjoyed the luxurious lifestyle that he could offer her and their two children.
It was a lonely time time for him and by having me listen to him and laugh or bounce ideas back and forth with him, really helped him to have that one person stand by his side and to indirectly help him with his decision regarding his career.
By now you might be thinking of picking up the phone and calling! So what can you talk to me about today? Do you want to talk to a female that can actively listen to you with no masculine ego and with no judgement? Then contact me here and let’s get better acquainted with Musings with Claire found on my website homepage! You can also submit a request for an online chat with me if you don’t want to talk on the phone. Hop into this link here and submit your request!
Claire
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