Walking is not only good for your heart, but also good for your body and soul.

1. Walking makes you happier and can lift your mood very quickly and helps to combat depression.
2. Walking at a reasonably fast pace helps your body to reduce stress.  The cortisol hormone moves through your body causing a feel good factor.
3. Walking briskly clears your mind and allows for creativity and allows for reflection.
4. Walking clears away that dull feeling in your brain which helps make room for the creativity.
5. Walking improves concentration and is extremely beneficial to children if they walk to school each day or if you park your car away from the office and walk briskly to work.
6. Walking builds relationships.  For some people who find it hard to make eye contact whilst talking (teenagers) walking with them allows them to express themselves about tough subjects and builds the relationship to a better level.
7. Walking with others helps if you are feeling lonely.  Feeling lonely and chatting with others helps to combat those lonely feelings.  Sometimes you don’t have to have lengthy conversations with people, but just being among the company of others helps if you feel lonely.   If you are new to the area and don’t have people to walk with, join a walking group.  Meetup.com offer some great ones
8. Walking whilst listening to upbeat music without depressing lyrics, lifts your spirits and puts a smile on your face especially if you are walking alone.
9. Remember just because you are in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you don’t get lonely still.
10. If you feel lonely in your marriage, take a walk with your partner and talk about some of the good events that you both shared in the past.  This helps to bring comfort and fun conversation to the walk.

I love to walk.  I love to walk/hike for all of the reasons above and I love to walk with my 19 year old daughter who is in college and 21 year old son, that is in the military, whenever we get the chance.  It allows all of us to chat about things that might not arise if the T.V was on, or if they were chasing pokemon on their phone.

Want to hear my musing?  Did you know….

When you walk with your head down, you are always thinking of the past.  The past could be a good reflection or a bad reflection.   When you walk with your head facing forward or up as if glancing at the sky or the trees, you are always thinking of the future.  Try it ….

What do you want to think about when you take a walk?  A bad experience or something exciting that you are wanting to happen?   Reflecting on the good times, is a good thing and can make us feel good…but if the thoughts cause some sadness and feelings of loneliness..next time you take a walk…face forward or look up to the sky! Join a walking group if your friends are busy or if you have moved to a new area, as not having a partner to do things with can make you feel lonelier than ever.

How do you walk?  With your head in the clouds, creating, designing and thinking of the future or down in the dumps reflecting on the past?

Share with me here if you experience a change in your thoughts now that you can make a conscious decision to walk knowing Claire’s musing …. 🙂

Have a fabulous walk my loves!

Submit a request for an online chat with me here in this link!

Reverend Claire

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Cherries have many benefits as they are full of so many nutrients and are fantastic for everybody to eat, but as your postpartum doula in Orlando, I am going to highlight the reason today why eating cherries is good for the postpartum Mom.

Feeling sleepy yet?

Cherries in a nutshell contain Melatonin.  Melatonin is a hormone that naturally lowers your body temperature, helping you to feel sleepy (similar to the effect of drinking warm milk)

Your body naturally produces melatonin, however cherries can increase the amount of melatonin, therefore improving the way you sleep.  Now some of you reading this might be thinking “I am so exhausted, I could fall asleep attached to a coat hanger, and I don’t need cherries!”  Some Mums (I was one of them) struggled with postpartum depression and sleep didn’t come as easy to me as it should have done.   While dealing with a newborn baby, sleep can be a deprivation and this postpartum time may cause some to suffer from insomnia.   Nibbling cherries during the day, can actually improve your nights.  However I cannot guarantee that your baby will sleep all night, but they might help you, if going back to sleep after a middle of the night feeding is an issue.

Helps with digestion … dare I say a number two!

As a general rule of thumb, the hospital doesn’t let you leave until you have done a number two.  The thought of pushing is enough to bring the strongest of us to tears after we have given birth.  Pushing out a baby feels like a watermelon has passed out of your backside at an alarming rate.  If you didn’t give birth vaginally, your body still starts shifting inside, causing your colon to do all sorts of odd things, making you feel like you might never poop again, but nibbling on those cherries which are a great source of fiber,  can aid in keeping your digestive system on track, which can be vital during this postpartum time.

If you notice you are going too frequently and this is an issue…then cut back on the cherry nibbling!  There is enough going on down there without other added issues!

Oh those poor muscles…

Eating cherries helps to reduce muscle soreness, inflammation and post workout pain. And of course this would apply for postpartum muscle inflammation as well. If you’re finding it hard to move around after a cesarean, having some cherries will definitely help you feel like a spring lamb in next to no time!

Pregnancy brain … Sorry, what were you saying again?

Cherries are referred to as “brain food”, aiding in the prevention of memory loss, which postpartum moms may experience due to stress or adjustment to a new born.  I promise I won’t forget to bring a small basket of cherries with me when I come as your postpartum doula, in Orlando!

Jiggle belly no more …

Cherries are made up of more than 75% water. This water content makes cherries a perfect weight loss food, and is low in calories, high in fiber, keep you feeling fuller for a longer period of time. The anthocyanins in cherries activate a molecule that helps rev up fat burning and decrease fat storage.  NOW who wouldn’t want that?  Plus they make a healthier snack, which is much better than chowing down on chocolate!

If you can find a really good cherry juice that has no added sugar, then this is an option also. If the cherry juice is inexpensive, it is probably NOT good to drink.  The pricier the cherry juice is, the more natural it is.  Too much sugar keeps you awake and hyper and keeps the jiggle belly, jiggling for longer!

Leaving the cherries (or any other fruit) for that matter on a table, close to where you spend most of your day will encourage you to sit and snack on healthy snacks.  When they sit in the fridge and getting up and down off the couch is time consuming or painful…they might sit in there and rot.  As you get more nimble and as the inflammatory properties with cherries kick in, you will be more agile to gingerly make your way to the fridge.

Oh one more thing …. no matter how much you want your baby to sleep…do NOT feed a newborn baby cherries!  

Happy nibbling!

Having a postpartum doula is not just for the celebrity new Mum residing in London, Manhattan or L.A, but also for the new Mom residing in Orlando, Florida!   What is a postpartum doula?  She is a female that has experienced the ups and downs of having a newborn with her own child/ren and has attended postpartum doula training that goes with the changes of raising a newborn baby into today’s world to better serve you and your family and she is there for YOU following the birth of your baby or an adopted baby by offering in home visits.

A postpartum doula is a trendy buzzword that is roaming the streets of London and every new Mom is wanting one.   Why is she wanting one?   She may have a nanny for her baby, but what about her?  Doesn’t the mother want to be mothered too?    The first 8 weeks of bringing the baby home can be very lonely and confusing for the new Mom. Many family members are living in different states and having that strong family connection and support during this lonely time, can be stressful to new Moms.

In London, England it is customary for midwives and health visitors to come visit you at home (now the postpartum doula’s are doing it also) a few times a week to see how you are doing physically, emotionally and how you, your partner and the siblings are adjusting with the newborn.

Why would you not want a postpartum doula in Orlando, with that same support?

As your postpartum doula in Orlando, I will come to your home (I have been known to bring healthy dinner for you also as pictured below, vegetarian options are also available!) and make us tea, listen to any issues that you have with adjusting to your new role as Mom and assist you with offering supportive and caring guidance.  We can take a walk with the baby as you express any concerns you have or we can stay home and I can assist you with bathing the baby, preparing bottles or offer any other advice related to the care of a baby, that you are concerned about.

Vegetarian meals are available!

 

Do you feel like you have more than the 3 day blues?   Let me actively listen to you and then let’s put a plan into action.  Would  you like me to make a Doctor’s appointment for you or we can discuss alternative health remedies that might suit you and your lifestyle better?  Maybe you want me to come with you to visit your doctor or acupuncturist?

It is OK if you don’t feel like superwoman, as your struggle is real to you! I don’t know your friends, I don’t gossip and whatever you share is confidential and certainly non-judgmental.

After having 2 children that were both born in England and having supportive midwives come to my home a few times a week during the first 8 weeks was invaluable.  Experiencing postpartum depression for 10 months with my first newborn and no feelings of depression with my second newborn – I have experienced both sides of the coin.  My story can be found here.

By now you are probably thinking “Heck I want one of those doula thingy’s coming to my house to support me!”

Maybe you are pregnant and your due date is in a few months time?  We can get you on the schedule for a few hours per day and if after a few visits you feel you totally have it under control, we don’t need to schedule more for you.  But having it already on the schedule following the time your partner heads back to work, is a reason in itself to get excited about extra help…don’t you think?

So what you waiting for?  Do you need a postpartum doula in your home in Orlando? How can I help you today, tomorrow or next week?

Email me ….. and let me help you figure out a flexible plan that works for you and your family.  I can’t wait to meet you!

Sometimes all you need to hear is “Let me help you!”

 

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Loneliness is among the most common distresses and for a condition that is growing at a fast pace within our society it is still not given a great deal of professional attention.  Let’s face it, how many people would choose to join a new social group and outwardly express that the reason they are joining is because they are lonely.  Admittedly women are more likely to express this to a group of others, but very rarely will a man express to another that “I feel lonely”.  Most men have experienced bouts of loneliness within the last few weeks.

According to much research, women across all ages stress that they suffer from higher levels of loneliness than what men do.  Except, that is, in one particular group: single people. While most married women feel lonelier than married men, single men feel lonelier than single women.

Is this because women are more likely to express their loneliness than what men do, because it is just not deemed manly in some societies to admit to it?  I think so.  What do you think?

Some men when they call me just for a chat, tell me that they feel the loneliest at work because it seems that “Everybody has somebody, but me”. They feel that they can’t show it because if anyone sees them looking lonely or expressing how lonely they feel, that others will see them as desperate.   So some men put on the bravado face and give a play by play account of how fantastic their weekend was and how many girls/boys they picked up.  They do this so as to appear to others as if they have it all and that their lives are abundant with anything but the “I feel lonely” syndrome.

It is great that some men can go out and pick up the same sex or the opposite sex, but inconsistency over time and having irregularity in their lives, such as that one partner that brings familiarity on a daily basis, can over time cause men to feel more lonely than what women do during their single years.  This isn’t to say that some married men don’t get lonely, as I also hear a lot from married men that they do feel lonely (even though they don’t say in so many words “I feel lonely”).

Men can feel lonely when married, especially the months following the birth of a child.  Some men, feel left out and seek attention, feeling that the baby is getting all their partners undivided love.  They might pick up the phone to call me on their way home from work, so they don’t take their work worries from the office into the home with them.  They might not feel they will be met with an enthusiastic face once they walk in the door, so are reluctant to share their day, but instead feel like walking right back out that door again!

I am sure some women feel the same with their husbands in regards to their significant others careers.  Relationships take work, but this blog is about men and you can read other blogs on loneliness if you are a female and feel you need to talk to someone.

I feel lonely ..

A client I used to talk with always got so excited when he shared with me, offers of promotion or headhunters that had contacted him through LinkedIn.  He couldn’t contain his excitement as I used to listen to the “pro’s and cons” of each alternative.  I never directly helped him with his decision or swayed him either way, but by having me be enthusiastic for the options that were in front of him and to follow up with him on the journey, enabled him to make a decision that was right, for both himself and his family.   He wanted to share the initial start of the journey with his wife, but knew that his wife would become fearful of change and would not be as enthusiastic as what he was. Over time he did grow with the company, then became a founder of his own company. His wife stood by his side and enjoyed the luxurious lifestyle that he could offer her and their two children.  

It was a lonely time time for him and by having me listen to him and laugh or bounce ideas back and forth with him, really helped him to have that one person stand by his side and to indirectly help him with his decision regarding his career.

By now you might be thinking of picking up the phone and calling!  So what can you talk to me about today?  Do you want to talk to a female that can actively listen to you with no masculine ego and with no judgement? Then contact me here and let’s get better acquainted with Musings with Claire found on my website homepage!  You can also submit a request for an online chat with me if you don’t want to talk on the phone.  Hop into this link here and submit your request! 

Claire 

I am so lonely.  Have you ever said this to anybody that is in your circle of friends or family?

Chances are you have probably said to yourself “I am so lonely”, but to actually say that out loud to a friend in your circle or to a family member is very hard for most people.  It is hard because you feel that you will be judged and that the person that you are telling this too, will be offended and possibly take it personally.  But all you are trying to do is to offload how lonely you feel and really only want them to listen to how you feel.

When you tell your husband, partner or friend “I am so lonely” you might be met with a response such as “How can you say this, you always look so happy?” or “Huh, I give you everything, how can you still feel lonely?”   Responses like this might make you feel like your feelings are not being validated and that they might as well just tell you that you are being ridiculous and that your perception of how you feel is all wrong.  But you have your own reasons as to why you feel lonely or maybe you don’t actually know why you feel so lonely, but you just want to have the freedom of expression and share that with somebody that you trust.  Share that with somebody that will just listen, not judge and not take it personally.

Just expressing how lonely you feel to somebody out loud can trigger that feel good response within you, where you finally ‘get’ what exactly it is that is making you feel this way.  By expressing yourself and by just being heard, helps. When you need somebody to talk to, you might turn to social media but actually realize it might be your interactions on there that are actually making you say to yourself or out loud “I am so lonely”.  This is a possibility and one that some don’t think about, until they dig deep.

So what can you do about it?  It always helps to know why you feel the way that you do and to try your best to change it with the help of a therapist.  Or maybe you don’t feel you need therapy at this time, but you just need to vent?  You want to build a relationship with somebody that doesn’t know your friends, family or even know what you look like.   You want to share your secrets or rants as they listen to you and offer you words of empathy.   Your reality is very real to you and even if I can’t really understand what you are feeling because I haven’t experienced what you want to vent about, I can most definitely offer you my compassion, making you feel safe.   Compassion builds relationships and makes you feel safer.

Judging, criticizing disagreeing and having people around you, not validating your feelings makes you say to yourself or others “I am so lonely”.

I am so lonely you say…so what are you waiting for?

Let’s get better acquainted and build a relationship over the phone where you are free to vent and share, stories, secrets or anything that interests you in total confidence with a friendly person that listens to what you really have to say without judgement or criticism!

Need someone to talk to?

Need someone to talk too that really listens to what you have to say?  In this digital age and with social media becoming a big vacuum of our time causing some of our relationships to diminish as we immerse ourselves with receiving affirmations from the likes or no likes that we get on Facebook or Instagram.   All of these interactions that we have by using social media and hiding behind the keyboard can make a lot of people feel lost among the virtual chaos feeling lonelier than ever.    We all want to feel validated but the instant gratification that so many people want in relations to a post that they have posted can sometimes mean more to them subconsciously than the actual event that took place.

How many parents do you see at children’s birthday parties stand behind the lens of a camera taking multiple shots of the child blowing the candles from the cake, concerning themselves with the best shot, the best filter and which social media platform to post it too first?  It all seems exciting and it all seems as if they are having a great time.  I am sure they are.  But there are also a lot of disappointments that follow when you don’t get as many likes as you thought you would, or you might get a comment that was unintentional, but hurtful to you.  Not to mention that you are truly missing out on the event when you are peering at it from behind a lens.  You are living for the actual image and not focusing truly on the present event.  All of these feelings over time, such as needing the instant gratification as described can make some people feel abandoned, which of course, can create loneliness.

People are yearning for solid relationships where they have somebody that just listens to them.  Just listens to what they have to say without passing comment or judgement.   They have the desire to talk to somebody that really listens and they also have the desire to talk to somebody that listens in total confidence without sharing your secrets with the circle of friends that you both share.

What a lot of people don’t see ten minutes before the happy go lucky Facebook post or ten minutes after the happy go lucky post is a disagreement that took place between both people.  So a lot of people stuck in a funk, with no party to go to, see posts that others are doing, thinking it is all butterflies and roses, making them feel lonelier than ever, when in actuality we all know that no relationship is perfect, but some don’t see it that way.  They buy into it whether they really realize it or not and slowly the loneliness or not feeling good enough factor creeps in.

I once had a friend that moved to a different state a few years ago and she missed us all terribly.  She shared with me that every time she saw pictures of us all online at various events, she just sat with a glass of wine and wanted to cry.  She said she had never felt so lonely and was concerned about picking up the phone and calling even though she really needed somebody to talk too, but felt we were all too busy having so much fun.  What she didn’t know at the time was, that two of the girls had a disagreement and one got a cab home and every time we went out, we always spoke about her and how we wished she was there with us.  We all thought because we didn’t see her on social media that she was busy and having too much fun to post.  This wasn’t the case.  She had nothing to post, because she felt miserable and lonely.

This was an eye opener for me and I suddenly realized if she felt like that, how many others feel like they are losing that solid human conversational connection and just want a person that they can talk too about how lonely they feel.

So at Phone My Friend, I am here to listen to you if you sit there and say to yourself “I feel so lonely, I just want to talk to somebody that really listens”  I can listen to you as your share your secrets, your frustrations or anything that you need to offload.  I don’t know your friends, I don’t know your family and whatever you share when you are lonely and needing somebody to talk too, will be heard without judgement, or ridicule and of course in total confidence.  Your perception of how you see your life is very real to you and I can help you by listening to you as you share.

It makes callers feel safe when they offload their frustrations to somebody and I know you are not always looking to be fixed or analyzed.  You just need somebody to talk to.   I am here for you when you need to talk to someone that cares about what you have to say.

Is your need to be right, much stronger than your need to listen? After watching this video that I stumbled upon,  it really gave me a lot to think about. I thought about all the people that I have known and still know that were/are great listeners. Some people say that men are not good listeners, or that they are not as good at listening as what women are. I have always listened with interest when people say this, but after  experiencing conversations with many men that were phenomenal listeners I tend to disagree with this statement. Do I disagree because I have the need to be right? No, I disagree because I have learnt from a few men that actually taught me a lot about how to listen and how to listen, well.  I disagree because most of the poor listeners all have the same thing in common …

It is important to develop active listening on a daily basis in general conversation and not just during a disagreement.   Because during the times that include general conversation if there is a lack in listening, it can over time cause more disagreements or feelings of loneliness.  Listening well is listening without the need to be right, regardless if you are male or female. So I took a good look at all the people in my life without judgment as they are who they are and this is fine. We are all different and we all have our own qualities to share.

The one thing I did learn from this video below and from my own experiences was that the poor listeners absolutely were the ones who always had to be right. They couldn’t bear to be wrong and their point was always more valuable to them than the actual conversation itself.

Are you competitive?

This took me onto thinking further about the person that always wants to be right and I figured after listening to them, or by remembering conversations I have had in the past with them and with others today, that the more competitive a person is, the poorer they are at listening.

The more competitive I feel a person is with me, the more I retreat and let them have their glory. I am competitive with myself but not with anybody else.  I have the committee meetings in my head that usually wake me up at 3 am…but I can disagree with them mentally as the only person I am judging is myself by proving myself wrong.  I have always felt that when you are competitive with others you are basically saying “I am not good enough and you are much better“. It’s great for me that I am not competitive with others as I probably wouldn’t be actively listening to you as you share with me here on Phone My Friend!

When we suspend our right to be right and suspend our judgments we can share with an open heart.  This takes me on to the juicy topic of social media and how it affects what we actually hear.

How social media can make people feel lonely.

We communicate through social media by exposing ourselves, getting likes, hearts and unfortunately by also getting judged.  There is no surprise that teens today are struggling to feel accepted and are harder on themselves than with previous generations. With nobody really listening, giving superficial hearts or giving no hearts to an emotional post, through fear of thinking they will be judged for ‘liking’ the sad, emotional post, leaves social media ninja’s feeling anything less than whole.

Pretty powerful how social media is changing the way we communicate ….  I have a couple of teens on Instagram that follow me and I see their sad posts.  Unfortunately two in particular post about their desire to end their life. They talk about how much they hate themselves and how they wish things were different.  Do you know what I see when I read these posts other than a desire to listen to their story?   I see hundreds and I mean hundreds of ‘likes’ or ‘hearts’ to their desire to end their life!   Hardly anybody posts “thinking of you, please be strong” or “what can I do to help?”.   They get ‘liked’ for their desire to end their life!!

Now I may be judging the other followers for ‘liking’ the post?  The person who posts the comment may be judging them?  The person ‘liking’ the post might be concerned they will be ‘judged’.  Is your head in a spin?  Mine is!  Social media is changing the way we communicate and the human voice is becoming silent.  But words are so powerful and ‘hearts’ and ‘likes’ can become so destructible.

Do you want to be heard?  

Next time somebody is talking to you.  Hopefully you are listening, but if you butt in, pay attention as to why you interrupted the speaker.  Could it be because you just want to be right?   Or if next time you are talking and you want to be heard is the person you are talking too, really not listening, but just wanting to be right?

I hope you enjoy the video below as it is very interesting. Food for thought…