Is your need to be right, much stronger than your need to listen? After watching this video that I stumbled upon, it really gave me a lot to think about. I thought about all the people that I have known and still know that were/are great listeners. Some people say that men are not good listeners, or that they are not as good at listening as what women are. I have always listened with interest when people say this, but after experiencing conversations with many men that were phenomenal listeners I tend to disagree with this statement. Do I disagree because I have the need to be right? No, I disagree because I have learnt from a few men that actually taught me a lot about how to listen and how to listen, well. I disagree because most of the poor listeners all have the same thing in common …
It is important to develop active listening on a daily basis in general conversation and not just during a disagreement. Because during the times that include general conversation if there is a lack in listening, it can over time cause more disagreements or feelings of loneliness. Listening well is listening without the need to be right, regardless if you are male or female. So I took a good look at all the people in my life without judgment as they are who they are and this is fine. We are all different and we all have our own qualities to share.
The one thing I did learn from this video below and from my own experiences was that the poor listeners absolutely were the ones who always had to be right. They couldn’t bear to be wrong and their point was always more valuable to them than the actual conversation itself.
Are you competitive?
This took me onto thinking further about the person that always wants to be right and I figured after listening to them, or by remembering conversations I have had in the past with them and with others today, that the more competitive a person is, the poorer they are at listening.
The more competitive I feel a person is with me, the more I retreat and let them have their glory. I am competitive with myself but not with anybody else. I have the committee meetings in my head that usually wake me up at 3 am…but I can disagree with them mentally as the only person I am judging is myself by proving myself wrong. I have always felt that when you are competitive with others you are basically saying “I am not good enough and you are much better“. It’s great for me that I am not competitive with others as I probably wouldn’t be actively listening to you as you share with me here on Phone My Friend!
When we suspend our right to be right and suspend our judgments we can share with an open heart. This takes me on to the juicy topic of social media and how it affects what we actually hear.
How social media can make people feel lonely.
We communicate through social media by exposing ourselves, getting likes, hearts and unfortunately by also getting judged. There is no surprise that teens today are struggling to feel accepted and are harder on themselves than with previous generations. With nobody really listening, giving superficial hearts or giving no hearts to an emotional post, through fear of thinking they will be judged for ‘liking’ the sad, emotional post, leaves social media ninja’s feeling anything less than whole.
Pretty powerful how social media is changing the way we communicate …. I have a couple of teens on Instagram that follow me and I see their sad posts. Unfortunately two in particular post about their desire to end their life. They talk about how much they hate themselves and how they wish things were different. Do you know what I see when I read these posts other than a desire to listen to their story? I see hundreds and I mean hundreds of ‘likes’ or ‘hearts’ to their desire to end their life! Hardly anybody posts “thinking of you, please be strong” or “what can I do to help?”. They get ‘liked’ for their desire to end their life!!
Now I may be judging the other followers for ‘liking’ the post? The person who posts the comment may be judging them? The person ‘liking’ the post might be concerned they will be ‘judged’. Is your head in a spin? Mine is! Social media is changing the way we communicate and the human voice is becoming silent. But words are so powerful and ‘hearts’ and ‘likes’ can become so destructible.
Do you want to be heard?
Next time somebody is talking to you. Hopefully you are listening, but if you butt in, pay attention as to why you interrupted the speaker. Could it be because you just want to be right? Or if next time you are talking and you want to be heard is the person you are talking too, really not listening, but just wanting to be right?
I hope you enjoy the video below as it is very interesting. Food for thought…
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