Questions to ask somebody who is suicidal

How to question a person who is having suicidal thoughts:

Because suicide can be a taboo subject, asking the ‘S’ question may, at first, seem awkward or difficult.

But the truth is you may be the best person in the best possible position to recognize the warning signs of a suicide crisis and to prevent suicide. Just because this might not have worked in Hannah’s situation, doesn’t mean it won’t work for you! Just as you have the courage to apply the Heimlich maneuver to help a stranger that is choking, you can also apply the question if you think they are considering ending their life by suicide.

Many people who have just been asked if they are thinking of suicide have a great need to talk and feel a relief rather than distress. This provides them a ray of light where there had been darkness. So when they start to talk, remember to listen, listen and listen without judgement, or with placing any guilt on their shoulders.

Placing guilt on a person who is contemplating suicide can come in various ways such as:

“After all I have done for you, and you are talking about ending it”
“You have more than most people, why would you think this way?”
“Are you in another mood again and just trying to bring more worry to this family?”
“But you are my husband we made our vows, how can you think about leaving me this way?”

In a class that I took on QPR (question, persuade, refer) *suicide gate keeping I partnered up with a guy in his 50’s that was in the police. He told me about his experience 20 years ago with wanting to end his life by suicide . He bravely shared some dark stories with me about his life. He told me his relationship with his mother had always been very fraught. But once she asked him an ‘S’ question, he felt like the weight had lifted from his shoulders as she listened to his response. His relationship with his mother improved and continues to improve and he is over the dark, depressing state that he was once in. He believes it was her questioning that changed his life and of course saved his life.

So no time to waste…..questions to ask a person contemplating suicide:

“Have you been unhappy lately?”
“Have you been very unhappy lately?”
“Have you been so unhappy you wished you were dead?”
“Do you ever wish you could go to sleep and never wake up?”
“You know when people are as upset as you see to be, they sometimes wish they were dead. I’m wondering if you’re feeling that way too.”
“Have you ever wanted to stop living?”
“You look pretty miserable. Are you thinking of ending your life?”
“Are you thinking about suicide?”

Perhaps you feel only a professional should ask such a delicate question. Not so. Suicide prevention is everybody business. Feeling reluctant to ask the question is normal. But it can save a life.

What to say to a person that is contemplating suicide:

If the answers to your question/s are ‘yes’ and they discuss with you that they are considering suicide. Listen. Keep listening and ask them:

“Will you come with me to see a counselor, a priest, a minister, a doctor, a psychologist etc.?”
“Will you let me help you make an appointment with ….?”
“Will you promise me you will stay safe until we go see somebody together?”

Sometimes suicidal people will agree to get help, but not get it. They might resist it thinking they don’t need it. But simply saying to them “I want you to live, will you please stay alive until we can get you some help?” gives that person hope and will usually try to honor your request because they realize you care. Don’t we all want somebody who shows that they care about us?

Just as you would not allow a friend or loved one to die if they were drowning, neither would you stand by and do nothing for someone preparing to end their life.

A promise to stay alive and agreeing to stay safe provides relief to the person whom is suffering. Those who suffer silently and hide it are not so lucky and neither are the loved ones that are left behind. R.I.P Hannah you are missed.

Help save a life today!

1-800-SUICIDE.